Here I am, alone again.
I had you, I loved you, and I lost you.
I finaly had you again, and now I’m loosing you. So many times did I wonder if we were really truly meant for each other, but I always came to the conclusion we were. Now, my heart’s not just breaking but shattering every second I’m not with you. I can’t fight off the thought that I’m not enough now, that I ruined my chances. One day you said you’d fight for me, said you’d always love me, said we’d be together forever, and the next you told me we weren’t meant to be together. That we weren’t right. I’m not strong enough for this. I’m not able to control the thoughts that fill up every core of my mind, and slowly kill me off.

I’ve done nothing but want you all my teenage years, I can’t help it. And now that I’ve finaly got what I wanted, I’m loosing it all. You’re quitting. And I can’t deal with it. It hurts far too much.

I can’t do simple things like, take a shower, or brush my teeth or read a book without bursting into tears. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, and food has no taste. The air feels heavier, like sand paper, when I try and breath. It scratshes my throat and hurts my lungs. My fingers get numb, and my legs go weak. My heart feels like it’s burning, and my bloood’s boiling in my system. I feel hot, and weak. My stomach feels like it’s twisting, and about to escape up my mouth. All I can do is curl up in a ball, scrunch up my face while the tears fight past my eyes. There’s no relieve, and even in the split seconds of relieve that whip across me, they don’t last long. Not long enough to notice the numbing feeling that prevents me from wanting to cry.

It’s all so much harder now, you have such an affect on me. I really wish you knew. I can’t help it.

I want it all to be over, I can’t live like this anymore.

“And she looks up to the sky, and whispers with a faint heartbroken laugh ‘This is what suicides for.’ in defeat.”